Cosmic ordering service - The newset weird fad to hit town.
The Cosmic Ordering Service is a new age belief thought up by German author Barbel Mohr. The basic idea is that you can ask the cosmos for just about anything you want, and your wish will be granted. It worked for Noel Edmonds and he's on telly so it must be true.
King Noel
In order to obtain everything you want out of life you must first decide what that is, that seems like the hard part. You must write down your list of wishes and place them under your pillow, or in it if you're a fidgety sleeper like me, by doing this you are announcing your wishes mentally to the cosmos. Then, at some point later, once the cosmos has got round to reading your scrap of paper your wishes will be granted. How simple is that!
It's a fantastic belief. There is no longer any need to go to great lengths such as praying to God for hours on endless Sunday mornings in the vain hope that he may one day listen to your pleas for help, in fact, this ordering service is much better than what God has to offer 'cos there are no rules against being completely selfish. What a bonus, guilt free indulgence here we come!!!
The trouble is, once word gets out, and it's spreading like wildfire already, how will the cosmos cope with the endless requests to win the lottery? Will we suddenly go out one day and everyone we bump into have the perfect figure? How strange will our roads look like when they're just full of 2litre panther black convertable sports cars? What happens to that fit bird from behind the bar in Rumours if 27 ugly blokes order her from the cosmos? poor cow, I dread to think how that'll end up.
Apparently there is just one drawback to this, it only works with a pure, childlike and innocent feeling, and the more crazy and playful the method, the more successful it is. Sounds to me like the cosmos likes us to flirt, the cheeky devil!
When it comes to making wishes, one must think really carefully about what one wishes for. In my experience it really does pay to be very specific. For instance, I could make a wish that before the World Cup ends I wish to have some nookie. Sounds simple enough, but did I specify which world cup and make it clear that I'd like someone other than myself to be involved too? Nope, and that's where the problem lies. By the time I'd got round to covering every possible angle and addressing every possible scenerio that could go wrong, my one simple wish read like a short novel. I was drained, I had a migraine from thinking too hard and I'd gone off the idea. Well, not so much gone off it but more concerned that by saying that I wanted my heart to race, be breathless, writhe and moan a lot that I'd actually mistakenly be granted a heart attack.
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Silly symbols drawn on the hand in biro are the new kabbalah string. You heard it here first.
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