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Thread: My Muslim Mate

  1. #1
    Dangerous Dilettante
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    Default My Muslim Mate

    I've got a Muslim friend at work now. Two or three actually but Rohil is the one I'm going to post about.

    Rohil usually greets me in the morning by flicking the V sign at me and calling me a filthy cunt, then he'll offer me a Werther's Original.

    I like to discuss Islam with him, and the state of the Middle East, what it's like to be a British Muslim, stuff like that. I've asked him what he tends to eat when he's at home with his family:

    "Do you think I eat fucking curry every night you scruffy bastard? I eat stuff like your lot eat. Cheese and onion pies, cucumber sandwiches."

    "What do you have for your tea? Fish and chips every night, or bangers and mash?"



    I've told him I eat curry most nights, and he doesn't like it. Says I probably eat sweet gay curries.

    Today I asked Rohil whether he drove around in his Toyota Corolla grooming young girls.

    "What the fuck's wrong with brushing girls' hair anyway, you filthy pig?"



    Some of the Muslims at work piss off every hour or two to pray. I asked Rohil why he didn't, and he said he's 'not really that into it'. But he does go to the Mosque every Friday, and on special occasions.

    He won't take any notice of me when I tell him he's missing out on bacon.

    Today when he called me a filthy cunt I made a rude remark about his mother, so I'm taking some chocolate eclairs in work tomorrow to make it up to him, because even though he couldn't stop sniggering he said he was very offended. I've told him we'll carry on as usual, where he calls me queer, or a cunt, and I won't mention his mother... on the understanding that I won and he's a big Muslamic jessie.

    He did reassure me the other day that he doesn't accept ISIS as representing him, and he also said he's not really that keen going to fight in Syria, or anywhere.

    I think everyone should have a Muslim mate.

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  2. #2
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    Default Re: My Muslim Mate

    He sounds like a fun person to be around!

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  3. #3
    Registered Member Major Starbold's Avatar
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    Default Re: My Muslim Mate

    Do not turn your back on him, he only has ONE ALLEGIANCE.


    Naulahka
    Now it is not good for the Christian's health
    To hustle the Aryan brown,
    For the Christian riles and the Aryan smiles,
    And it weareth the Christian down.
    And the end of the fight
    Is a tombstone white
    With the name of the late deceased
    And the epitaph drear: "A fool lies here
    who tried to hustle the East.”


    Rudyard Kipling.

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    ZPymsLQ - My Muslim Mate

  4. #4
    Registered Member Whitesnake's Avatar
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    Default My Muslim Mate

    Quote Originally Posted by Major Starbold View Post
    Do not turn your back on him, he only has ONE ALLEGIANCE.

    Well you spouted some bollocks in the past and this may exceed even that. Stop making offensive generalisations.

    I've two really good Muslim mates one drinks and doesn't give a toss about religion. The other avoids booze but his wife is white and she drinks like a trooper.

    Both are the nicest people you could wish to meet. Extremely helpful and would do anything for you. They are born in the UK and work really hard unlike loads of white benefit scroungers you see in your favourite paper on a daily basis.

    Whitesnake

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  5. #5
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    Default Re: My Muslim Mate

    Quote Originally Posted by Major Starbold View Post
    Do not turn your back on him, he only has ONE ALLEGIANCE.

    Yeah. I'm terrified. I'm terrified of all Muslims, they're so scary.

    Rohil seemed to drop it down a gear today, I think he was worried I might mention his mum again so he played it cool. I got him an "I'm sorry" card from the newsagents and wrote in it that I was really, really sorry for saying dirty things about his mother.

    I think he might have taken it a bit too seriously because I think he's taken the card home to show his family. I hope none of them spot the penis I drew on the back of it, that might not go down too well.

    He told me today that he, and his mum were both born in Britain, but his dad came over from Pakistan. For some reason he does refer to Pakistan as 'back home' though.

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  6. #6
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    Default Re: My Muslim Mate

    Quote Originally Posted by Whitesnake View Post
    Well you spouted some bollocks in the past and this may exceed even that. Stop making offensive generalisations.

    I've two really good Muslim mates one drinks and doesn't give a toss about religion. The other avoids booze but his wife is white and she drinks like a trooper.

    Both are the nicest people you could wish to meet. Extremely helpful and would do anything for you. They are born in the UK and work really hard unlike loads of white benefit scroungers you see in your favourite paper on a daily basis.

    Whitesnake

    Think I might vote 'Yes' after all. The right-wing little England BNP/UKIP ignorant brigade scare me more than the separatists do.

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  7. #7
    Registered Member Whitesnake's Avatar
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    Default Re: My Muslim Mate

    Quote Originally Posted by timey View Post
    Think I might vote 'Yes' after all. The right-wing little England BNP/UKIP ignorant brigade scare me more than the separatists do.
    I might move to Edinburgh if the yes vote gets in.

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  8. #8
    Registered Member Humphrey Ballbag's Avatar
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    Default Re: My Muslim Mate

    Edinburgh's nice

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  9. #9
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    Default Re: My Muslim Mate

    Edinburgh's ace.

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  10. #10
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    Default Re: My Muslim Mate

    Had my lunch with Rohil today, I thought I would discuss the big story of the day with him (Scottish referendum) when he said "what the fuck is this with all the politics? Fucking Newsnight?" so we changed the topic to popular culture.

    Rohil wanted me to explain to him how it was possible for the events in the remake of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre to have possibly taken place. I told him, they didn't take place, and he insisted they did because at the start of the film it says it's a true story.

    He also thought Hills Have Eyes was true.

    He seems to watch some right shit.

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