What is it with these hairbears?
When I get up in the morning I want to hear some invigorating music to wake me up, not some gobshite spouting shit in between traffic reports and adverts.
I mostly listen to Xfm, Rock Radio or Radio 2 when I drag myself out of my pit at the crack of a sparrow's fart. Xfm have Big Breakfast no-mark
Mike "Squeaky" McClean, he's munching useless. I mean he really can't present radio, he's as unprofessional as that fat hairbear Moyles, he spends the morning rabbiting on boring meaningless shit and cracking really unfunny jokes. Seriously, it's cringeworthy, embarrassing radio. Too many lingering, uncomfortable silences when the penis doesn't know what to say, then he fills the silence with some bumbling shite nonsense.
Just do us a munching favour Squeaky, play a munching record you stupid munching monkey! That's what you're munching paid for you low-rent hairbear! The flower's tried to make a career out of pretending to be Steve Coogan, someone should sack the flower. Add to this the fact they play the most commercial "alternative" music they can possibly find when they do manage to squeeze a munching record in, it's a complete munching farce.
So instead I tune in to
Rock Radio, the playlist is a bit cheesy at times, but it is loud which is what I want in the morning. They do play more records and have sightly less chat than Xfm too, but not that much more. And then we get to the pinch, the breakfast presenter is Top Gear cast-off Steve munching Berry.
I can't find a clip of the flower on YouTube, not surprising really he must've been a very unpopular presenter, he's a complete cock. He probably made Clarkson look like a munching intellectual. The loud-mouthed buffoon is so stereotypically Northern it makes you want to pretend to be cockney, with the traffic totty giggling inanely in the background he goes on and on about munching motorbikes and American cars and what they're engines sound like.
Good grief give it a munching break Berry, I tune in to listen to some munching Led Zep,
not a recording of a munching 1963 Corvette Stingray you sad hairbear!
Why oh why can't these flowers just play a munching Top Gear compilation CD and shut the munch up?!
So when he starts foghorning off, I switch to Radio 2.
For some reason I can put up with Wogan, the BBC have a completely different style to commercial stations. They just don't try to patronise the listener in the same way commercial radio does, if you don't like it switch it off, Tel doesn't give a shit. But commercial radio are desperate to get people to listen, they try too hard, to the point of being munching annoying.
Wogan has the gift of being un-annoying, his voice is really quite soothing, I don't seem to lose my temper with him. And even when he's off, Johnny Walker fills in for him and he's a munching legend. Or even that Richard Allinson, he's a bit of a plonker but it must be the way that Radio 2 works that just always makes the breakfast show listenable. The playlist isn't the greatest, but in between the Katie Melua tracks and that terrible Alesha Dixon one, they do play some quality.
No, the real danger with Radio 2 in the morning is if it's earlier than 07:30 you get that munching numbskull Sarah Kennedy!!!!!!!
Why the munch do the BBC employ this idiot? She can't "DJ", she cuts tracks off halfway through, always munchs the timing of everything up, goes into the news late, talks over the music, makes loads of background noise rustling about and stuffing her face with cake. But the worst of it is her munching bumbling middle England, gobbledegook munching nonsense she babbles on all morning. Does she still think we're the Empire or something? Has she any idea what munching year it actually is? I'm not into political correctness, but I'm half expecting the daft old maid to tell us how her kaffir didn't wash the car properly that weekend. It's like she's on one of the munching colonies, lives off Earl Grey and cucumber sandwiches. Shouldn't she be dead by now?
So, I stick with CDs.
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