The humour thread

[SFB]

"How does the guy who drives the snowplough get to work?"

They used that line as the intro to the VW Beetle TV advert back in the 70s.

[Victor29]

Originally Posted by SFB

"How does the guy who drives the snowplough get to work?"

They used that line as the intro to the VW Beetle TV advert back in the 70s.

Hey, yes I remember, didn't the snowplough slip into the track made by the VW?

[sixaparrat]

Mine's bigger than yours

[Victor29]

Q: What is the difference between a Gynaecologist and a Genealigist?

A: One looks up your family tree.
The other just looks up your bush!

[sixaparrat]

Have you heard about the Gynaecologist who painted his hallway through the letterbox?

[sixaparrat]

New Element

New Element "W" has been added to the Periodic Table of the Elements and their Isotopes: -

A major research institution (the New York Times) has just announced the discovery of the densest element yet known to science. The new element has been named "Bushcronium." Bushcronium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 311.

These particles are held together by dark forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. The symbol for Bushcronium is "W". Bushcronium's mass actually increases over time, as morons randomly interact with various elements in the atmosphere and become assistant deputy neutrons in a Bushcronium molecule, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to believe that Bushcronium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as
"Critical Morass".

When catalysed with money, Bushcronium activates Foxnewsium, an element that radiates orders of magnitude more energy, albeit as incoherent noise, since it has 1/2 as many peons but twice as many morons

[Victor29]

Just as I thought, hehe

[lohi1]

Something for all lonely men/boys to look at ;D

[sixaparrat]

The Ultimate Irish Joke



Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle. They head to the bird section and Gerry says to Paddy, "Dat's dem "

The owner comes over and asks if he can help them.

"Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere, " says Gerry.

The owner puts the budgies in a cardboard box.

Paddy and Gerry pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into Gerry's truck to

drive to the top of the Connor Pass.

At the Connor Pass, Gerry looks down at the 1000 foot drop and says, "Dis looks like a grand place. " He takes two birds out of

the box, puts one on each shoulder and jumps off the cliff.

Paddy watches as the budgies fly off and Gerry falls all the way

To the bottom, killing himself stone dead.

Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Paddy shakes his head and says,

"Fook dat. Dis budgie jumping is too fook'n dangerous for me!



THERE'S MORE. .



Moments later, Seamus arrives up at Connor Pass.

He's been to the pet shop too and walks up to the edge of the cliff carrying another cardboard box in one hand and a shotgun in

the other.



Hi, Paddy. Watch dis, " Seamus says. He takes a parrot from the box and lets him fly free.



He then throws himself over the edge of the cliff with the gun.



Paddy watches as half way down, Seamus takes the gun and shoots the parrot.



Seamus continues to plummet down and down until he hits the bottom and breaks every bone in his body.



Paddy shakes his head and says,

"And I'm never trying dat parrotshooting either! "

-



IT IS NOT OVER YET.



Paddy is just getting over the shock of losing two friends when Sean appears.



He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a cardboard box out of which he pulls a chicken.



Sean then takes the chicken by its legs and hurls himself off the cliff and disappears down and down until he hits a rock and

breaks his spine.



Once more Paddy shakes his head.

"Fook dat, lads. First dere was Gerry with his budgiejumping, den Seamus parrotshooting. . . and

now Sean and his fook'n hengliding! "

[Victor29]

Strictly for the birds, to be sure, to be sure!