The humour thread

**Major Starbold** · 29-06-2009, 11:15

Farrah Fawcett arrived at the Pearly Gates and God asked her what he could do for her having led such an honest life. Farrah asked God to simply make sure the children of the world were safe. Five minutes later, Michael Jackson died.

**Ben** · 30-06-2009, 09:05

Underwear Fail FAIL Blog: Pictures and Videos of Owned, Pwnd and Fail Moments

**Ben** · 03-07-2009, 16:46

A True Blonde | Saint Jimmy

**Major Starbold** · 04-07-2009, 22:59

NUNEATON EARTHQUAKE APPEAL

A major Earthquake measuring 5.3 on the Richter scale hit in the early
hours with its epicentre in Camp Hill.

Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering 'where's the buuuuuuzzzz'.

The quake decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of
damage.

Several priceless collections of mementos from Majorca, the Costa Del
Sol and Corfu were damaged beyond repair.

Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals
were woken well before their giros arrived. Mercia Sound reported that
hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered and were still
trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had
happened in Nuneaton .

One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said, 'It
was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my
bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Victoria-Storm slept
through it all. I was still shaking when I was skinning up and watching
Trisha the next morning.'

Apparently burglaries, muggings and car crime were unaffected and
carried on as normal.

The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of
Frosty Jack Cider to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue
workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large
quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery
from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland.

HOW CAN YOU HELP?

This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those
unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most
sought after - items most needed include:

· Fila or Burberry baseball caps

· Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)

· Shell suits (female)

· White sport socks

· Rockport boots

· Any other items usually sold in New Look.

Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.

Required foodstuffs include:

· Microwave meals, Tins of baked beans, Ice cream, Cans of
Colt 45 or Special Brew.

. 22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms.

· £2 buys chips, crisps and rola cola for a family of 9.

· £6 buys B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those
affected.

**Breaking news**

Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in raspberry
alco-pop.

'Where are you bleeding from?' they asked.

'Stockingford' said the girl, 'woss that gotta do wiv you?
_________________
While we sing together, We will never lose!