One of the main concerns about Glastonbury, aside from oh my God what will my hair look like after not being washed and styled for five days, seems to be what the toilets are going to be like, I know it was with me!
After speaking to a few Glastonbury regulars the toilets this year were a vast improvement on the ones from previous years but nothing, I repeat NOTHING can prepare you for what you are about to encounter. I only wish I could bring you smelly vision, but for those that have ever been to a pig farm, well it's just like that except there was no escape.
There were a selection of ways to empty your bladder and bowels, you could choose from the portocabins which were like little green phone boxes, totally enclosed for privacy but on the downside you were trapped with the smell. They did flush in a fashion but we reckoned that the dodgy smelling brown liquid that came out when you did was recycled piss and poo 'cos it absolutely stank in a totally vomit inducing way.
The insides often left a lot to be desired, I got the impression very quickly that most people were of the opinion that they could leave the loo in any old state as it's not as though anyone would ever point and glare at them for being a dirty rascal being that there were that many.
The long drops were my personal favourite. Although not completely private they seemed cleaner than the others, maybe it was because they were without rooves and so the rain washed away most of the debris but seeing as you're basically emptying yourself in a pit about 8 foot below shared with another 20 or so people they didn't smell quite so bad as the enclosed ones. You quickly had to resist temptation not to look what was lurking around down below though or it could set your gag reflex off.
As well as the cubicle loos they also had urinals for the blokes, I discovered on the last day what I thought was fresh water pouring into the long drops actually wasn't much to my horror
There were also the she pee urinals for the ladies which I would have loved to have tried for the experience but the only ones I saw were at the top of a slope and seeing as it was slip city with the mud I wasn't about to risk getting caked just so I could try a stand up pee.
Mooncups seemed to get a push this year with a special mention in the official guide and a stall set up specifically for them but I'd not recommend those for Glasonbury if you're of a shy disposition, I had enough trouble openly displaying my discreet packet of tissues whilst I stood patiently in line waiting for a widdle, there'd be no way I could join the half mile queue for the taps to wash out my mooncup before reinserting.
The mess that you were faced with aside, because that could be dealt with in various ways, the worst part of it all was waking up in the morning, tired and aching and wanting a wee just knowing that before you could you'd have to get fully dressed with waterproofs and wellies and then trudge half a mile through randomly placed tents, stepping over guy ropes and through mud and water before you even got to stand patiently awaiting your turn and then, even after all that you couldn't sit down.
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Glastonbury, shit and piss.
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