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  • Bonkers Britain

    Published on 18-05-2016 20:32
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    A canoeist got the shit scared out of him this week when he paddled past a massive Burmese python in the Grand Union Canal in Aylestone, Leicestershire.

    Sadly the snake was dead, the victim of another irresponsible owner or some other type of all round bad egg.
    Published on 26-03-2013 15:55
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    Sick weirdos in Scotland have attempted to steal a horse’s penis.

    The 23-year-old Icelandic gelding, named Hrafn was found by his owners on Thursday morning bleeding profusely with his John Thomas hanging on by its urethra. The poor nag had to undergo emergency surgery to remove the dong, which could not be reattached or repaired. Insp John Toule, of the Scottish SPCA said the penis injury was the result of a deliberate malicious attack.

    “This appears to have been a malicious attack.” He said grimly.

    “It is difficult to comprehend why anyone would do this to a defenceless animal and this attack is extremely concerning”

    The horse’s owners say that thankfully Hrafn is on the mend, although he was quite traumatised by the attack.
    Published on 12-03-2013 17:13
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    Stephen Gough, the Naked Rambler is back behind bars for his habitual nudity.

    The former Royal Marine and dedicated naturalist finally made it out of Scotland after serving six years in prison for his constant nudity. But even after he crossed into England people continued to complain to police and Gough was arrested in Hebden Bridge, Halifax, Oxfordshire and Southampton.

    Gough appeared in court yesterday in Halifax charged with a breach of the Public Order Act after several witnesses claimed to be distressed at the sight of the Naked Rambler’s reproductive glands. One witness told the court felt horror and disgust as she stared at Gough’s knob. Several children who were present were instructed to cover their eyes so as not to see the penis, for fear of mental scarring. One of the children used his mobile phone to call the police.
    Published on 10-07-2010 22:15
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    An inquest into the death of a 30-year-old woman from Cirencester has ruled that death was caused by heightened sexual arousal as she masturbated watching pornography.

    Nicola Paginton was found dead by her employer and a friend after they broke into her home. Miss Paginton’s boss Sarah Griffiths had gone to her home after she failed to turn up for work, when Miss Paginton failed to answer the door Griffiths looked through the windows and saw her lying motionless on her bed so she decided to break in.

    After enlisting the help of a neighbour, Michelle Grant, the pair broke into Miss Paginton’s home and discovered that she was dead with her laptop computer still running. The pair then lifted Miss Paginton’s duvet and discovered she was naked from the waist down and a vibrator was next to her. The laptop still had the porno showing on the screen.
    Published on 04-03-2010 22:42
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    46 year old Andrew Dymond from Wales appeared in court today after images were allegedly found on his computer of a man having sex with an octopus.

    Dymond appeared in Swansea magistrates court this morning to face 25 porn charges, he didn’t enter a plea and will appear at Crown Court in May. Prosecutors told magistrates that Dymond’s computer had been found to contain images of child pornography and bestiality which are considered obscene and grossly offensive.

    Some of the pictures showed women having sex with dogs and horses in a manner which would cause injury to their breasts and genitals.

    Dymond was freed in bail but told he was not allowed access to the internet, or children.
    Published on 21-12-2009 15:47
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    Police in Plymouth, Devon are on the lookout for a balding weirdo who was caught on CCTV sniffing the backside of a supermarket employee.

    The bespectacled, middle aged man has been seen on two separate occasions sniffing the arse of an unidentified male shop assistant in the Plymouth branch of the Co-Op supermarket. The store’s CCTV cameras filmed the oddball on two consecutive weekends going about his funny business, Devon police are appealing for witnesses to the attacks which took place on 31st of October and 7th November this year.

    “It’s a bizarre incident. The shop was full of people. Someone must have seen the man.” Det Con Steve White told The Sun.
    Published on 23-08-2009 21:45
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    28 year old Lauren Williams from Chingford in Essex was born with an extremely rare medical condition, she had two vaginas.

    In fact Lauren discovered in her early twenties that she actually had two vaginas, two wombs and two cervixes. Lauren suspected there might have been something different about her when her periods began to last for up to 21 days, and some sexual positions were painful for her.

    Eventually a keen eyed doctor noticed an irregularity in Lauren’s vagina whilst he performed a smear test, and sent her to see a gynaecologist. The gynaecologist diagnosed Lauren with bicornuate uterus, or heart-shaped uterus and arranged for Lauren to have an operation to correct the condition, which carries a high risk on miscarriage if untreated.
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