F*** My Life

[jools182]

Today, I was at a fancy restaurant. I was drinking some water when I noticed a hot guy eating alone at another table waving at me. I smiled back, but had forgotten to swallow the water so it dribbled out of my mouth all over my shirt. FML

a friend of mine did that at uni to a girl he really liked

[jools182]

Today, I decided to use my mentor's advice. I told her I had been having some trouble controlling my anger, she told me to throw rocks at trees. I threw a rock at a tree, very hard. It bounced back hit me above the eye. I'm still pissed as shit. FML

[jools182]

Today, my brother and I were standing at the baggage claim, waiting for our luggage to come out. We were commenting on all the bags that appeared, and when two large hiking packs came out I exclaimed "What kind of cunts go backpacking in New York?" The old couple standing next to us, apparently. FML

[Ck]

ha ha all good stuff

[Hutchybee]

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled : "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

http://www.fmylife.com/

[Earl]

My Life Is Average

Today at an ice cream store, the guy said "Enjoy your ice cream" to which I replied "You too". I felt stupid for a second until he reached under the counter, brought out a cup of ice cream, and took a bite before saying "I will, thanks." MLIA

Today, I saw a child on a leash. I started thinking about how degrading that was, until the child started barking and growled at a passer-by. I hope one day I have a child like that. MLIA

My Friends and I saw "9", on 9/9/09, ticket price? $9.99. Theatre number? 10. You don't know my disappointment. MLIA

[jools182]

Today, my girlfriend, who is a dog trainer, was telling me all about the techniques she uses at work. I commented on how the dogs must be stupid to fall for such simple tricks, to which she replied "They worked on you." FML

Today, the guy I have been in love with for years decided to tell me all about his women problems and how he can't find someone. After telling him I loved him he responds, "do you know if anyone else does?" FML

[timmy_too_far]

Today, my whole family was sitting in the kitchen. My sister was stoned and passed out in our dog's bed. My dad was drunk, yelling "who's your daddy" at his plate of barbecue, and my mom just sat there with that, "what the hell happened to my life" look on her face. FML

LOL

this sites fookin funny!

[Earl]

Today, the guy I've had a crush on came over to my house. My Dad came in to see how we we're doing and randomly looks at me and says "Man... You've REALLY been puttin' on the pounds!", pokes me in the stomach a few times, and leaves. FML

[jambolo]

I bought Ern the book that this site made. He looked at it, read the title, laughed and then put it down. I don't think he's even glanced at it. FML