My Third Short Story ...

[online.education]

Ok, people, here are links to my third short story "An Author and A Young Woman".

This is basically the first draft of the short story. Now, I know that there are misspelled words and grammatical mistakes. There might be minor logical flows also. However, I wanted to get something done and post it on the internet. I already made a couple of printouts; I plan to pass them to a few people and get their feedback. I hope that this first draft is readable so that those of you who are keen on reading new writers’ short stories and novels can read without a lot of difficulties.

This is a bit longer than my second short story (whose link I posted in this forum), and this has over 15,000 words. So, I made 11 blog entries this time; there are 11 chapters in the story and each chapter is posted as one blog entry. The following is the list of links to all chapters.

Chapter 1: Birthday Party
Chapter 2: Divya Virk
Chapter 3: First Man
Chapter 4: Going Back to India for the First Time
Chapter 5: Big Kittens
Chapter 6: New Job and Moving to New York
Chapter 7: A Week in Tokyo
Chapter 8: Quitting
Chapter 9: 9/11
Chapter 10: Thinking, Thinking and Writing
Chapter 11: An Author

I'd greatly appreciate your feedback!!!

[bogmarsh]

I've scanned read the first chapter. Sounds like a good topic. (I like things based in New York anyway). Still a bit too much description for my liking eg, her height mentioned in 3 different forms then stating it's not small or tall. But perhaps I'm nit-picking. And a lot more improvement descriptionwise from your last story.

I'm not overtly taken to descriptive texts anyway so that might simply be a matter of taste/choice rather than a real criticism.

Anyway, have read chapter one (working at moment) but certainly hasn't put me off reading the next chapter which I will do when I have more time.

Good for you doing this Online.

[online.education]

I've scanned read the first chapter. Sounds like a good topic. (I like things based in New York anyway). Still a bit too much description for my liking eg, her height mentioned in 3 different forms then stating it's not small or tall. But perhaps I'm nit-picking. And a lot more improvement descriptionwise from your last story.

I pass this to a couple of Indian people, so if I make references to lengths and weights, then I need to use Metric system (THE right system), but US uses Imperial System, and I just cannot ignore it; US readers are very important readers. I'm trying to write my stories so that all readers can understand what I'm writing about, but I haven't quite figured out what to do about this ...

[bogmarsh]

I understand now. Wow never thought about all of that.

One thing I do hate about authors (some, not most ) is when they mention a detail about half way through the book when I have already formed an image in my head from the start but they only add this extra detail half way.

Eg, like a detail about the main character or the main location which has not been referred to yet but is very important to how the story pans out. In my mind I've already added bits onto what was originally described and then realise halfway through the book it no longer fits. Oh dear, am I making sense?

I guess this can happen easily at the editing stage though.

[SFB]

Measurements in fiction are rarely necessary unless it refers to the description of a chat between two women about the size of a man's equipment in inches, or the weight of women's boobs, which from last night's TV programme, I gather can be measured in stones.

[online.education]

Eg, like a detail about the main character or the main location which has not been referred to yet but is very important to how the story pans out. In my mind I've already added bits onto what was originally described and then realise halfway through the book it no longer fits. Oh dear, am I making sense?

Yeah, I makes a lot of sense and I understand what you're saying ...

[online.education]

Measurements in fiction are rarely necessary unless it refers to the description of a chat between two women about the size of a man's equipment in inches, or the weight of women's boobs, which from last night's TV programme, I gather can be measured in stones.

I guess I'll try to skip measurements next time and also possibly rewrite this story accordingly when I edit again ... (that'll be after I get some feedback ...)

[SFB]

It's impossible to work from 'feedback' on such a small forum as this OE.
Google is a much better companion if you missed out on earning a degree at uni.
The only alternatives left are the corridoors of life's university that I've trudged through for many a year.

[bogmarsh]

He gives it to Indian people too. See post #3

[SFB]

He gives it to Indian people too. See post #3

Yes, but in his own words, "I haven't quite figured out what to do about this ..."


It's almost impossible to write for the world as a whole, there are too many different ways of life to consider.